The art of learning to mind your own business

I read the words of this 88-year-old grandmother who still lives independently in her house, but who had the misfortune to put the name of her eldest daughter on her incapacity warrant and tell her so. The pressure this person is putting on her to sell her house and move to a retirement home as soon as possible doesn’t bode well, in my opinion.

You tell her that she has the power to appoint another proxy from among her children if the pressure is too great and that is an excellent suggestion. But personally, I would have suggested that he go completely apart from his family, to protect himself as best as possible, by appointing his notary to carry out this task.

I personally had a rather catastrophic experience of this order and I am telling you about it to illustrate how you should not take any risks with this kind of document. A person close to me had been appointed executor and mandatary for his mother.

When the death occurred, as I had just finished settling an estate myself, I thought of giving him the list of my steps to facilitate the task, certain that everything was going to be done “by the book”. What a big mistake I was making!

This person only had one brother who lived in Florida and I had no idea she didn’t give a damn about him. She therefore squandered all the money she was able to appropriate from the bank accounts, except Tangerine who refused to obey her request without the agreement of the brother, and the house which she did not have. could not sell for the same reasons.

The brother thus lost half of what should have been his. This means that from now on, to anyone who finds themselves in this kind of situation, I recommend appointing a notary as their agent. The heirs will lose a little because of the costs, but it will avoid chicanery and especially fraud. Because it happens more often than you think this kind of fraud, even in the best families.

Money fuels lusts, and as long as someone like this lady realizes it, that’s enough to put a flea in your ear and fear the worst. She shouldn’t be intimidated in any way.


You are certainly right to suggest opting for the ultimate protection: recourse to a person as neutral and competent as a notary, in the case of a succession that could present difficulties in execution. The unfortunate thing is that in the minds of a majority of people, matters of wills must remain and must be settled within the family. And since no one likes to dwell on the fact that a loved one may be in bad faith, or even dishonest, we tend to veil our faces about possible embezzlement on their part.

In the case of this grandmother, there was the fact that she wanted so much to avoid having to reveal the truth about the pressure exerted by her eldest on her two other children for fear that they would let go of talking to her about it, that she was ready to do anything mean to avoid any discussion with her, ready to live with the fear of the future, rather than settling things in the present. Always remember that when we don’t talk to each other about the real things in a timely manner, most of the time we put ourselves in a position of vulnerability.

It is an unpleasant thing to mix money with feelings and loyalty in families where this subject has been banished for so many years. But when it tints the last moments of a life, it risks creating sparks that may never go out.

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